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:iconarkillian:

*Arkillian

She who commands the pencil
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Enjoys birthday shenanigans Blind to Pageviews

Post Lament >.> Sorry guys....

Mon Jun 1, 2009, 4:53 PM
  • Mood: I Have To Pee
  • Reading: Night and Day


Wow- lots of responces! O.O Um... I barely remember doing this journal, but thank you to those that responded. I guess I'm feeling a bit artistically worn out at the moment cause I'm trying to force out alot of art fast at the moment, and I'm not getting any personal satisfaction out of it anymore.

I don't know what it means in the end... I obviously need to pull the hand break and start drawing for love, and not forcing it out. Once that happens, I can get on to improving my art.

Thank you all for your kind words, and for those with critique- I'll take it all to heart (in a good way), and see what I can do in the near future to start bringing the spark back into my art that I miss so much. I'm sorry I worried you all... Will try not to drink alone again- I promise! IT was a bit of a rough night, and it was only meant to be one glass XD IT tasted so nice though... >w<

I do care for everyone, and I only want to post excellent art here for you. In anycase, when I'm not toning my Phoenix Wright comic, I'll be drawing women primarily this month to get my practice up, so expect to see more boobez- (Men may accompany these assets), so we'll see how that turns out :)

Anyways- no need to worry about drunk me anymore. Sorry once again. I'll try to get a birthday journal out tonight now I have an ACTUAL collection of pictures from it now!! ^^


Not much to say.

I've been drinking, and now I feel pretty s@#t about myself and art. I've gotten nothing that I wanted done, done this weekend, and I'm again, highly doubting my talents at art... again. Right before a con. AGAIN. Don't worry- I do this every year.

I've got so far to come with art, and I want to go there, but I feel like people are making me pull the proverbial break. I want to make people feel emotions when they look at my art. I want people to remember my art... Right now, I want to change my DA name and start fresh cause I'm so ashamed of how slow my art has progressed over the years.

hrmph.

Welcome to drunk Arkillian. She doubts herself to heck, and feels like she doesn't have an audience. None of you will get this, but it's ok. I'll probably be better in the morning. I'm just re looking through ~aKiRa-666's doujin Night and Day, and dying of joy over and over again. You don't get to see her more recent stuff unless you like yaoi, but god - it's gorgeous. I wish I could digital colour like her. I don't hate my art. I just wish I had progressed more in the last year. Two years. Me being sick has killed my artistic confidence completely. I even dread checking my 700+ messages now.

To make it worse, I'm drinking alone so I'm bored. Why do I do this? T.T

Oh blah- I'll probably delete this in the morning, horrified I bored you all with my emo moping. Ignore me. T.T




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Devious Comments

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:iconffandom:
I feel that way about my art and my progress sometimes too ._.

Don't worry, drunk Arkillian-chan! You do amazing works and I'll be sure to purchase from you at the Doujin Overload this year :icongreatjobplz:


Ah, I hear that drinking alone is the sign of an alcoholic :3

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:icondoubtingthomas:
Hoi! No drinkin' alone. It's never fun. It just reinforces whatever mood you're in to start with.

I'll drop in my two cents, on the offchance it might be helpful: I think you need to branch out. I may not have been paying attention, but all I've seen in my devwatch from you lately is Phoenix Wright stuff, and while it's pretty, it doesn't hook my mind, personally. I'm not saying fan-work, doujins etc. aren't legitimate artistic expression - they just aren't as likely to get you remembered, especially by anyone outside the fandom. When you glue yourself to a whale, you go only where the whale goes, figuratively speaking.

In terms of reinvigorating your art, I'd suggest some slight changes in style and subject; draw people in poses/angles/compositions you wouldn't normally attempt, try different ways of connoting facial features. There's something in the way you draw faces which, while undeniably distinctive as your style, makes it a little hard to tell characters apart, even when they've got a visibly differing hairdo/skin colour/outfit/gender. I think it's the chins. Something about the chins.

I get the impression that you draw very much what your tastes naturally bend towards, in terms of subject matter, and while that's fine in principle I fear it may have dulled your edge. You may need to challenge yourself. I often find that if I start with a subject imposed on me, one that I didn't pick myself, and create a piece within that limitation, the results will pleasantly surprise me simply because it wasn't what I was expecting myself to draw. It's good even if you arbitrarily draw something you don't like - your sense of aesthetics, stung by the order, will state defiantly "Right, I'm going to make this the best damn picture of (something I don't like) EVER, so there!" and the work comes out better for it. This may not work for you, but I've found it moderately useful. Give it a go.

Tl;dr: No drinky unless accompanied by parent or guardian who is cool to hang with, and self-impose a ban on drawin' dragons and improbably hot guys with goatee beards for a week and see what happens. That's my two cents. Hope you feel better in the morning. :hug:

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:iconarkillian:
Heheh. I'm an alcoholic, huh? Nope- not me. I'm just drinking cause I'm home alone with a bottle of expensive French desert wine wanting to be drunk. I put it out of it's misery. I've stopped though. I'm not thinking straight. I'm on water now. Feeling a bit clearer. I'm just really self aware T.T I've been taking a few terms off being a Cub leader lately cause I'm over stressed. I don't think I'm quite over it. Well see if I have anything more than a comic to sell at the con though. At this rate, I have anti warez to sell >.< *dies*

Nother half a bottle of water before I go to bed T.T
:iconarkillian:
No- alot of that is laziness, but you're right, I'm losing my edge. I'm falling in the fanart trap. Zeb is warning me against it. It's an easy market, and I'm beginning to want out cause it's not an artistically satisfying audience. You go to court records, and I'm starting to see stick figure fanarts get just as much praise as one drawn with actual development. Now, I'm all for promoting people to draw and not telling them that they're crap, but if I (or anyone else)give constructive comments, we get flamed. I'm seriously at the point of withdrawing to RP only, and once this doujin is done, I think I'm moving away from the fandom- except for writing my fanfic. That's purely me- not fan driven.

Yeah. Drinking. I can't think of when I last drank alone. It's a no win situation T.T I moan and grump and don't have enough clarity to fix it. When I'm sober I'll figure it out. Right now I just wanna go to bed (Not happening till I drink more water)^^; Lol
:iconbloodwolfgurl:
Art is supposed to be about pleasing you as much as it can be pleasing others; please don't force yourself to do anything on your fan's accounts, do the things you're comfortable with and the rest of the world and can just be patient or stfu you know? lol

You're an amazing artist to me, I wish I could get as good as you D: don't doubt yourself please, then you'll stop drawing and then who's art will I look up to? (If I'm not making sense it's because I just woke up and am still half asleep)... :hug: BTW don’t delete what comes from the heart! If you’re hurt we want to know so we can try to cheer you up!! (At least I want to try… ) :heart:

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:iconkaylovemeow:
Art is supposed to be about pleasing you as much as it can be pleasing others; please don't force yourself to do anything on your fan's accounts, do the things you're comfortable with and the rest of the world and can just be patient or stfu you know? lol

Kthanx BloofWolfGurl for like, stealing my werds before I get to say them XD

I'm sure every artist who posts here feels that way at some point or another... the internets influence can be kinda poisonous v_v
Don't let it get to you! FIGHT!
and cuddles cos everyone likes cuddles :cuddle:

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:iconwackyspongecake:
Moral of the story: lay off the booze when you're depressed! XD

But seriously, I don't see how you can doubt yourself. DT pretty much got it all in a nutshell- you've got great potential with your art. It's just a case of challenging it so you do different things, and satisfy yourself with the result. Like, I used to draw dogs and Pokemon, a lot. Because people seemed to like them. But it got boring for me, so I thought maybe I'd draw more humans to mix it up. Which is why my anatomy's a bit off the wall, I'm used to drawing animals and will often draw ' paw like' hands as a result... XD I'm slowly getting better at it though.

A few things I've noticed is that you rely a lot on textures alone to colour your characters/backgrounds in the comics. While that's nice, it doesn't give them a lot of form, and the mix with complicated unshaded textures and simple, light, cell-shading on flat textures is a little bizarre. Try hatching/cross-hatching for shading in black and white (or even in colour, like Watchmen perhaps), it really gives comics a sharp, strong look to them to make them visually more exciting. :3

Uh, I hope this is of some help? xD And regarding what you replied to DT about the constructive criticism; damn, I hear you. <_< I hate it when people pander so much to the obviously cheesy stuff and throw a wobbler if they're criticized in the slightest. Whether it was for lols or not, I don't care. It certainly didn't look like it, and it was attracting a lot of attention to silliness which you really don't NEED in the bleedin' fanart thread e_e But yeah, ramble.

Take care :3 :dance:

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:iconarkillian:
It's ok- I'm not so emo now I'm sober >.< I just get like that when I'm drunk and alone- thankfully that doesn't happen much >.>

Collab- anyone out there interested in doing a tag team picture with me? 

51%
37 deviants said Maybe- tell me what parts you'd do and what of and stuff and I might be interested.
25%
18 deviants said TOTALLY! (Make yourself known and what you'd provide to the collab, and what you'd expect me to do if you can)
24%
17 deviants said Nar. I prefer to work on my own. Sounds like a good idea though.

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My DA family

Me *Arkillian
Real brother ~drrugg
Brother I just wanna hug =icyhugs
Brother with the links to weird things ~TalosAT
Little sister with the wolf ears =VixenTheWolf
Estranged step-brother who drools on my keyboard =cold-summer-nights
Sister I trade clothes with ~JillValentine89
Sister I play dress ups with ~pommy-girl
My cute little pet puppy ~Ishizuki
Cousin across the boarder ~Skialtv
The mysterious 12th cousin that noone understands =OracleX7
Uncle with the *good* porn stash =nathie
Crazy aunt with the pet Gundam *fablespinner
Bryan's #1 fan *gothkath
My con fanboy! :w00t: ~ToastrKid
Bringer of the KY ~wanderlustartist
Singstar partner ~snow-princess
The inflatable man doll in my closet >.> `MurkHellsing
Supplier of BOOBEZ =LadyGhostDuchess
Stable keeper =GraveUnicorn
DC rant buddy ~neogen10
Crazy guy with super powers =WOLVERINE76
My mouldy old toothbrush ~fello
Bringer of dragon love ~Vodqa
Supplier of sweetness and cuddles *Keysha-chan
Magic Girl/boy =xanderchan
Bringer of beauty *yuni
Cute little anime creature in the corner *eilime
:salute: ~daevakun
Pet Pikachu !Shin-zo
The one Pyramid Head was modeled after !Sora-X-Riku
Meat grenades! ~doubtingthomas
Bringer of cute hats! ~seraphik
Killed Kenny to turn him him into a cute plushie ~Desolee
The one that force feeds me samosas =ivoryleopard
The future cat lady ~onasugarhigh
The electric eel hiding in mah shoe :cries: *Dark-Taser
The jabber jaw twin in mah other shoe XD ~kikikittykat
My successor in over throwing the world =Flynn-the-cat
Teh *speshal* one *delishnoodles
My pet evil sheep that will OWN YOUR SOUL! ~my-biznezz
~gymnosophist
Ye Olde Minstrel ^^ ~Fallen-Red-Ninja
The caring but busy bastard ~AuronTheUnsent
Zeth's #1 fan ~Shadu
The neighbourhod bad ass ~fello
Fellow Phoenix Wright fan :glomp: ~apollophoenix
The bringer of pony luff ^^ :hug: ~Darkknight495
My neighbour's aunt's three-legged dog :D =adavesseth
The bringer of bishie gods ~hushicho
The DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!! =Animus3

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