Well, my New Years resolutions this year were to heal myself socially and physically and I'm sort of getting there. Sorry that I've left a lot of the notes on the cultural thing from my previous journal hanging. I've been having anxiety moments freaking me out till recently- I have read them, and I do appreciate everyone's feed back, I'm just going to wait till next week to get back into that cause I have a little project to get done before the weekend's over
Stuff has been happening though- Good things:-
It's been REALLY hard to not put my name down for conventions, but I keep reminding myself that I'm not ready for them yet and it seems to calm my urge. This is a BIG something cause I use to do a convention every few months. That's ok if you have the energy to make new things but when you're selling 2 or more year old art and can't do on the spot commissions? Not so great
So yeah- I'm being really good about not over taxing myself atleast on that front :3
I'm chatting to people a lot more on Skype than I use to (which was not at all), and I'm slowly getting in touch with a wider group of people that are wanting to connect with me. It's been really good to broaden my friendship range. It's VERY humbling to recognize how many people in my life care so much about me and my well being. And I care about theirs- I've just been too sick to handle both my issues and everyone else's till now. It's been really good with tightening current friendships too. I use to think that no one cared about my dietary requirements I'm having to live with now, but since I started paying attention to others, I realize that most are trying to support me cause they can see how much it affects my well being
It's been properly explained to me now that I'm dairy sensitive (intolerant?), atleast to a certain degree which has been big news cause I've been having cereal in the morning since the beginning of the year thinking I've been doing the right thing when it's one of the reasons I've been so run down. Since stopping having cereal in the morning my energy levels have picked up a lot, and I'm starting to draw again!
IT sucks though cause now I need to start having breakfast again, but it's gonna have to be something I cook before I leave for work *sighs* Atleast I know now :/
Drawing in it's self has done a WORLD of wonder to pick up my mood. I'm a lot happier just generally now I'm getting even just sketches onto paper (I'm going through a lot of paper with un finished art >.> ), and although I'm not finishing much, I know I can always go back to it
I'm going to update my sketch folder and I have a HUGE stack to go in there! Makes me feel productive finally :3
People around me are being very supportive of me trying to get to bed earlier and although not every night is an 8 hour sleep night, I'm no longer doing the 5 hour nights and it is making a big difference. I think the best I can manage right now is bed time at 11:30pm, but that gives me 7.5 hours of sleep so hopefully my body can get use to this
When I get use to this bed time, I'll see if I can scoot it to 11pm and get up earlier for breakfast. I don't think I'll manage the 10pm my homeopath wants me to do. I'm too much of a night owl Not so good things:-
My mother's twin sister is getting worse as the days go on, and even though I'm handling the ordeal a lot better than I was before I cut out dairy, it's still VERY hard to see my mother dealing with it. She's on an even higher dose of morphine now- I didn't think she could have a higher dose but she is. My father says she could go any day now, and I'm a bit worried cause I'm going to Wellington this weekend, and my father is flying to Australia, and Mum is getting nightmares of going to the funeral alone.
Anyways, so I'm still on chill out mode for now. The research I've been doing is so that I can restart doing PseudoDragon, and this time make a proper job of it. Till now, it has been drawn un scripted, and usually to get me out of health issues rather than as a serious effort. When I restart it though, I plan to make a serious effort, and make it available for print as a decent sized graphic novel. I'm really keen cause a lot of the characters are from stories I've been writing since I was about 11 or 12, and are very dear to me. It'd be REALLY nice to finally get their story out there, even if it's an AU one XD
Anyways- to those of you that have read this far- thank you for sticking by me through all of this. I know that many people have walked out of my life cause of the stress that the IBS has put me through, and it's left me with a lot of guilt that I'm still having to deal with, but knowing that you all have stayed with me despite all of this? It means a lot to me TuT And hopefully I can have a 100% positive journal from now on TuT